I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
