I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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