i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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