Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
