I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
