i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize