I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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