you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
