I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
