just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize