If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
