I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
