You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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