I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
