It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize