HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
