im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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