it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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