Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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