I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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