and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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