the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
