No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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