god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
