yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
