So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
3 2 1 whiskey
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
