Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
