every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please come you make the beer taste better
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
