Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
