Kiss
Puke
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
