my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
