I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
