I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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