it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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