is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
