My cat gives me a boner
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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