There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize