I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
