why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
