This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
they need to just BURY HIM!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
