All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize