dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
