Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
