just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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