so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
