I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
