apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's paint friendship bongs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
