When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
