dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
