Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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