Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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