my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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