The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
