You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
