That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why do cheetos always look like penises
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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