If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
