My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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