I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just tell him i said nine months
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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