found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
