There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
