1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i will never coherently bang her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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