Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have post one night stand depression
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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