i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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