Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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