Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
