your room smells of hookers.
And success
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
