I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
