So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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