when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I need moral support for this bender
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
