Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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