Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
