is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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