Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
