i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
