Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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