i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
