sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
