Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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