Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
