if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
