This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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