In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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