She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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