I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
