dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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