That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Houston, we have a blender
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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