Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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