He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found your dick twin last night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
