I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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