Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize